Best pieces of advice I got for first few months

I got LOADS of advice from my mommy girlfriends, my in-laws, my Titas, and even from complete strangers, about how to handle motherhood and all the pain and joy that accompanies it. I even had a Macy’s cashier whisper in my ear that sex is the key to get labor going. Yup, some kind old lady just had to share her secrets with me. Lucky me. When you’re pregnant, you’re like an empty journal, and everyone and their mama want to write on you.

The best (pieces of) advice and I actually will share with you two, had me really appreciate them. The first piece of advice came from my mother-in-law. God bless her, because she raised three beautiful children and managed to still retain her identity as a strong female. She told me, “Don’t judge motherhood in the first six months.” That is so key my fellow mamas.

Many changes occur within those first few months that you literally behave like you’re on autopilot. You are basically just trying to survive, not day by day, but moment by moment. I went from not thinking just two steps ahead, but to five steps ahead.

Me: I should do the laundry now while baby is napping and the music is playing so he can’t hear the loud sounds of the washer/dryer, and after that, I should pump. And then after that, shower, if he manages to stay down that long. But before that, I need to do this and that, so that later if this happens then this, and so on and so on.

Motherhood can become all too consuming and frenetic, that you can lose perspective too easily. Frustrations build, we become desperate in our attempts to quiet a crying baby, and end up taking it out on our loved ones—basically anyone within arm’s way. So let’s ease up on ourselves mamas. Because there’s enough on our platitos to juggle and we’ll end up wasting ourselves silly.

And things DO get easier. When people used to tell me that, I’d laugh and think to myself, “you don’t know my son”. In reality, our situations are no different than other mom’s. We all go through some form of suffering when dealing with our children. I remember when my son finally got a solid five to six hours straight of sleep, and I had to get up only once to do a “middle of the night feeding”. I applauded him. I applauded me. Our confidence as parents grew with each mistake and success. In the beginning, I was intimidated by motherhood and by my own parenting skills, even though it felt natural to me. It’s ok to second-guess ourselves from time to time; we just need to keep our sanity in check too.

My fellow mamas, let’s not beat ourselves if we fail to forget to feed our baby right on schedule, or yell at our husbands for no apparent reason other than we’re tired (and vice versa ladies), don’t make the bed everyday anymore, and the house looks like it vomited on itself. We have the important job now as parents to nurture and tend to the smallest, most innocent, has yet to develop their personality, our babies. All this can easily be overlooked during those first few months.

The other piece of advice came from a conversation between me and another mama when we were catching up with each other’s progress on our kids. My friend D said, “If I can give one piece of advice to any new mom, it would be to not get used to any routine.” Amen, sistah. Your routine with your baby will change about as often as you do your underwear. Ok, not that often. But as soon as you get settled into a routine with your baby, it will change again. They develop quickly and we have to learn to keep up and heed the signs of what’s happening and what needs to be done to accommodate these changes. It takes practice and patience, but YOU WILL get it.

For instance, my son used to have to be bounced (this means me sitting on a exercise ball and bouncing up and down till he fell asleep) or rocked in my arm’s to fall asleep when he was a newborn. And then as soon as he started his fourth month, he preferred not to be rocked or bounced. Recently, my son, who is fast approaching ten months, used to like to nap three times a day, is now more energetic, and needs two solid naps that last about one and half to two hours.

Though the first few months are always tough, you really wouldn’t want it any other way. The reason is because you are on a steep learning curve as soon as you pop your baby out and though we’re all students for life, nothing is harder than raising a baby. You learn more about yourself and your partner in those first few months, critical things. As women, we become experts at redefining ourselves from single girl, to wife, and if we choose, to becoming mothers. So we’ll continue to change along with our babies.