Foreign Eyes

Back in January, Mr. Fliz had the wonderful opportunity to visit the Philippines for the first time. We wer going home to celebrate my Lola's 90th birthday and a chance for my family to meet my kids and husband. It certainly was an eye-opening glimpse into Filipino culture and life for Mr. Fliz. The experience left quite an impression on him. So I've decided to interview my husband and one of my closest friends (both males, both fathers, and both non-Filipinos) about their first-time visit to our beautiful country, the Philippines.

Interview with Mr. Fliz and Mr. C

1) In the days leading up to your visit to the PI, was there any anxiety and if so, what was it over?

Mr. C: Major anxiety, it was like we were packing for the end of the world. A month before we left we sent over a box filled with gifts and canned food. It was like we were moving there.

Mr. Fliz: I was anxious about the car seat situation. I wanted to put my kids in car seats over there, but wasn’t sure how hard to force the issue given friends’ (Filipino friends who have visited) acceptance (if sometimes somewhat reluctant) around not using car seats over there. I wasn’t really worried about getting kidnapped, maybe I would have been more concerned had we visited different parts of the country.

2) How old were your kid(s) at the time of your first visit? In five words or less, tell me what it was like?

Mr. C: Our first time, our only daughter (at the time) was 18 months old. Eye-opening.

Mr. Fliz: One had turned three a few months before, and the other one was coming up on 18 mos. Five words or less: “Tough flights, great trip.”

3)In a short sentence, describe your first impression of the PI upon exiting the airport?

Mr. C: My wife said I would feel like a "rockstar." There were so many people looking through the viewing window, trying to see their relatives. None I knew, but it was mind-blowing. 

Mr. Fliz: The “Resorts World” casino complex that we saw as we were just leaving the airport strangely reminded me of Vegas!

4) What was the oddest or most intriguing aspect of Philippine life that struck you as uniquely different than America? Why?

Mr. C: So many “helpers” for everything. In America the rich maybe have 1 or 2 maids, in PI you had a cook, cleaner, etc… one for each demanding job.

Mr. Fliz: Cheap labor (and what appears to be a wide economic gulf between the people that can afford to hire labor and the people that provide it) seemed to have far-reaching effects, from family life (popularity of nannies/caretakers “ya-ya’s” and drivers) to the retail setting (department stores overflowing with workers).

My wife’s cousin told me that nannies earn maybe 3500 pesos/month. At ~43 Philippine pesos per $1 USD, that comes out to about $81/month, or about $2.71 per day (if you say average 8 hrs work/day, that’s $0.34/hr. Interesting in comparison to U.S. federal minimum wage of $7.25/hr (about 20 times as much). Going in the other direction, it comes out to under $1k/year. I’m sure many things are a lot cheaper in the provinces of the Philippines, compared to the U.S., but a lot of things looked similar priced where I visited. And a new SUV still costs about $30k. You’d have to work for THIRTY years and spend NOTHING to be able to afford one. These are the some of the people living on $2-$3/day that we hear about. It’s a longer more complicated discussion, but the numbers made an impression on me.

One last fun way to look at it, in the U.S. we would pay about $80 for five hours of nanny care, or a little over half a day’s worth of work (compared to that same $80 being able to afford a month’s worth of a nanny’s services in the Philippines).

Mind you, all of these calculations depend on the accuracy of the original 3500/month estimate. But even if the estimate is way off, double it or triple it, and it’s still  a pretty astonishing picture from a U.S. point of view.

5) What, if any, negative encounters did you have with anyone/anything while there?

Mr. C: Just the language barrier. 70% of what I said was understood, better than Hong Kong, though.

Mr. Fliz: Our driver took an apparently illegal u-turn and got pulled over by a police officer, who requested a bribe (he wanted some “merienda”). We paid him 50 pesos. It was definitely an interesting cultural experience, but a sad reminder of the corruption that seems common there. My wife’s cousins also negotiated a bribe with some guy to keep the lights on at an outdoor patio when we visited a resort in Quezon. 

6) Describe what day or outing you most enjoyed during your visit? Why?

Mr. C: All the days leading up until I got sick. That was the worst. Mainly because the food was so, so, so GOOD. I especially loved the slow roasted baby calf. 

Mr. Fliz: Our two-night trip to Boracay (sans kids) was GREAT. Beautiful island with a vibe similar to the Caribbean. Nicest sand I’ve ever set foot on, white and powdery. Super relaxing.

7) Describe what day or outing you most disliked during your visit? Why?

Mr. C: Long drives, traffic, and illness. Enough said.

Mr. Fliz: We got a late start going to Tagaytay, and got there a little too late to really enjoy the experience. Part of that was directly my fault. Had I not been in stickler mode about the car seats, we could have fit more passengers in our car and my wife’s aunt wouldn’t have had to drive. Instead she had to drive and her car had “coding” (meaning she could not drive in certain areas at certain times in Metro Manila, based on the last digit of her license plate) that day, so she had to take the long way. I missed out of getting pictures of the Taal volcano because it was too dark, and the restaurant where we ate was very enjoyable, but we couldn’t enjoy the amazing view of the volcano and surroundings because it was too dark. 

8) What particular food did you try for the first time there that stood out? (pls state whether you enjoyed it or not)

Mr. C: Roasted baby calf. It was bought from a local farmer, then roasted for about 4 to 5 hours. No matter which cut of meat you got, it was just so tender. All parts were well done, but just so juicy. I LOVED IT.

Mr. Fliz: Fresh mangosteens were delicious. Wish we could get a hold of them here. Food is a big deal there, highlighted by an amazing variety of locally grown fruits.

9) When people ask you to describe the Philippines, how would you? (this may seem like a lame ?, but I realize many people ask it, so I'm curious as to how you would answer it)

Mr. C: EYE OPENING. If you are in the right part (Metro Manila) of the Philippines, then you are all good. Once outside of that, you just need to be more weary.

Mr. Fliz: I would go out of my way to describe my customized, limited personal experience, rather than try to paint a picture of the country as a whole. That said I thought the people were pretty laid back and friendly overall. And the country itself is filled with natural beauty. It is an interesting crossroads of indigenous culture combined with big Spanish, American, and Chinese influences. I would be interested to visit Thailand, Vietnam, and Malaysia to see how similar/different they feel.

10) What advice would you give to first-time travelers going to the Philippines?

Mr. C: Be open, take the time to soak it all in. Research what is great there and go.

Mr. Fliz: Take it all in, and have meaningful conversations with as many people as you can. Meaningful doesn’t have to mean deep, just beyond pleasantries. Ask them about their country. And eat as many different fruit and other food varieties as you can!

11) Lastly, if there's one experience you want your kids to remember from that first visit, what would it be?

Mr. C: FAMILY. I loved waking up and having breakfast with all the family. Snacks, lunches, and dinner, were all attended by immediate and extended family as well.  I didn't grow up with that, and I really loved it. 

Mr. Fliz: Lola’s ninetieth birthday party.

I'd like to thank Mr. Fliz and Mr. C for their thoughtful and entertaining responses. It's always interesting to get a first-timers perspective, even though it was limited. There are so many intriguing aspects about Philippine culture (some similar, and some misunderstood) that from a foreigner's eye, it may seem like a completely new world. As we continue on this journey of parenthood, it's important that we share our critical eye about the differences/similarities in our culture with respect to others, with our kids. However we view those differences, let our kids decide for themselves. Our best tool is to educate them and raise them as thoughtful, merciful, loving, compassionate, and kind human beings. I'm curious as to what others may have to say about their first visit to the Philippines, positive or negative. Feel free to share below in the comments.

Potty Training Woes

Let's face it, one of the joys (or pains) about raising a child, is being responsible to teach them the basics. Like, how to feed yourself, how to put your clothes on, and how to pee in the toilet. It's been almost three months since Micro first began preschool, and one of the requirements of this particular preschool program was for the child to be potty-trained. Yes, we could have sent Micro to a preschool where they would aid, or rather, take care of the potty-training for us. But you see, those preschools cost an arm and your first born. Since we were on a wait list for this preschool, my approach to potty-training was inconsistent. I heard it's harder to potty-train boys and that most boys begin to show an interest right around the age of 3. To each your own, but I'll share you with how potty-training has been for us.

You see, I did not follow a specific program nor truly dedicate enough time to teaching Micro how to go pee-pee in the toilet. I've heard numerous stories and received lots of free advice about the best way, the "proper" way to do potty-training. It was overwhelming,and I just did what I felt might work for us. Mr. Fliz and I agreed to start some "training" soon after Micro turned 3. In the weeks leading up to my "intent" on starting the training, I had Micro follow his friends, cousins, Daddy, and I, into the bathroom to see how we do our business. Yeah, exposure. Monkey see, monkey do. Follow it up with positive reinforcement. Sounds easy, right? Micro didn't flinch. He could've cared less what those kids were doing in the bathroom. So I waited another week or so, til he showed more interest. But I didn't give up.

I talked to our pediatrician who suggested to start monitoring his intake of foods/liquids and encourage him to try and go every 15 minutes or so to start. She also suggested waiting til Micro could stay dry for longer than a few hours to show he could hold his bowel movements. Once I saw these little signs I felt ready to begin training. I turned to the trusted method of bribery. I promised him we'd get the cool "Cars 2" pull-ups and did the reward chart. That, actually worked. We went through a few reward charts, bought him some "great job" toys, and praised the nugget when he did it right. Surprisingly, there were no accidents to clean up on my unforgiving white carpet. Most occurred in the bathroom. Though he still has a hard time doing #2 in the potty, he has managed to stay dry through the night, wet his bed only twice, and just recently, peed standing up. That last part is in many thanks to my sister and J dawg. To this day, he hasn't had any accidents at preschool either, but I'm sure this won't last. 

I was not overbearing towards the potty-training, but in hindsight, if Mr. Fliz and I did commit to a week or a few days of hard-core potty-training, Micro might have learned faster and better. Either way, our casual, though a bit inconsistent, approach worked for us. 

There's no real advice I can give to other parents trying to conquer the potty-training woes. In fact, we're still working on Micro wearing undies ALL the time (this may be part of my commitment/inconsistent problem), not just 87% of the time, doing the dirtiest of his business in the potty ALL the time, not just some of the time. All I can say, is hang in there. As is with everything in life, this too shall pass. Your kid WILL learn to go to the bathroom properly. He/she will master this. I would just do your best to wait and see when your child has shown some interest to make the training easier on you. 

A few weeks ago, I bought another pack of CARS 2 undies, a size bigger than the ones he's wearing now, and currently, I promised him he could wear those after he does his #2's in the potty 3 times in a row. We have not opened the pack. Nowhere close.

Become an activist

In what can easily be a mundane life that we lead, we often forget we can be activists in our own way to contribute some good in this world. You don't need to have money, luxury goods, or know powerful people. All that's required is your voice. This is but a minor contribution from me to spread the word. Because it begins with just one little step to end human sufferings that are happening all over the world that are invisible. The video below may be too much for little ones, however, Micro did watch with me and asked,"Why you crying Mama?"  Though this organization is controversial with regards to its spending and believes in using the Ugandan Army (which itself has a controversial reputation), I do admire, from a parent's perspective, how the father wants to remind us all that this is happening. Not just in Uganda, but that human atrocities occur everywhere and anywhere. So I've still decided to show it. I am not affiliated in anyway to Kony 2012.

I believe, parents or not, we have a responsibility to educate and raise good, loving, responsible, compassionate children. Even at his tender age of 3 years old, Micro is aware that the world has "people who do bad things," and also wants to show the world that love can conquer all. I'm hoping that in the way I lead my life, I will somehow pass onto my kids the importance of showing mercy to those who don't have it. That with little steps, our voices can be heard and that they can make a difference in the world.